A New Year dawns!!

I was woken up by the ring of my cell phone at 8 in the morning. It was her. She called up and said that she is waiting for me at the bus stop. I was full goggy and my head hurt. I didnt want to go but at the same time I wanted to meet her, apologise for whatever happened the previous night and explain to her how I respect her decision regarding our relationship. Without brushing my teeth and the odour of alcohol hanging in my breath, I met her at the bus stop. She was dressed in black. Beautiful as ever. I picked her up in my friend's Kinetic Honda and went to one of the famous hangouts in Hyderabad. We had breakfast and I apologised for being so stupid and selfish. Her eyes were fully puffy, because I made her cry. We were silent for sometime talking about other stuff. She then told me why she wanted to meet me. She said that she came to tell me that this relationship will never ever work(and she was right as I learnt later on). But she said that after seeing me, she changed her mind and said that she loves me. I coudn't believe what I was hearing. I came to meet her to apologise to her and to leave her at peace, but what was happening was the complete opposite. I wanted to say 'No' to her, but my instinct told otherwise.

I didn't know what to do. My instinct told me to accept her, but my mind wont accept. Eventually my instinct won and I said that even I loved her. That moment felt so good.
'I felt like I found my other half which I was missing all these days. Some feeling of contentment. Love is a beautiful feeling! And to be in love one must be lucky. I was the happiest man in the world. Not because I got what I wanted but I realised how you have to struggle to get the person you love. But in the end all these struggle doesn't matter. All that matters is the person with you. How you love him or her'.

All these thoughts went through my mind. :)

The New year drama!!

She didn't like me. It was obvious from her expressions and body language. She expected much more and I let her down. Frankly speaking it took me sometime to get adjusted, even I had some expectations and so the feeling mutual. She wasnt the way I presumed and me nowhere near her "Man's" league. But I loved her and set aside all my thoughts to concentrate on the present. I started loving her before we both met and there was no way am going to go back, on my words and without her. We talked but most of the time it was the silence which prevailed, dont know why. Maybe because that was the first time we were meeting in some 6 years or both of us were really uncomfortable with eachother. The latter one seemed perfect. The interview was slipping away from my hands. And I could feel it. We had lunch, I then dropped her home and came to my friend's place. There was no message, no call nothing on my mobile. Everything was there to see. Spent the evening telling my friends about the meeting and went for a movie with them. It was going to be a long night.

I messaged her at night and then got a long message from her. She didnt like me(love..no need to talk about that).She tried to be subtle with her reasons and I understood. I sent her a message telling her that, I do understand her feelings.(she expected me to be at least as tall as her but I wasnt) I was heartbroken inside. I couldnt control my emotions but gathered all my will power to control it, as my male ego didnt permit me to cry in front of my friend. She wanted me to meet me the next day but I refused. I didnt want to meet her again. I deleted her pictures from the digicam which I took to show it to my friends. She wanted to be friends but my fucking ego wouldnt allow me to. I managed to sleep somehow, but then was disturbed everytime with the day's happenings. My anger mellowed and I messaged her agreeing to meet her the next day. It was New year's eve. The next morning I called her and she had bunked her college that day and told me that she wouldnt able to meet me as she didnt have any reason to tell her mom, so that she could go out. We spent the day chatting on the net. A grand party was being organised that night by the guys to usher in the new year. Booze party of course.

We spent the day chatting. Chatting about everything that happened in a span of 6 months. About ourselves. It went till 10 something in the night. It was New Year's eve and people were excited about the new tomorrow. Will it bring in good luck?will it bring in happiness?But the only thing going on in my mind was 'her'. Will it bring her to me?I didnt know. My friend and I left for the party on a terrace at one of our friend's place. There were some fifteen of us. All ready to get drunk(puke, of course)and welcome the new year. The whole family of the friend in whose place we were drinking, were ecstatic and two of his brothers also came to drink with us. Lots of booze flowed that day. Two full bottles of whiskey, Imperial Blue I think, Smirnoff vodkas,Tang orange juice for the cocktail and nice egg curry,biryanis. All set for a perfect farewell to 2007. With music blaring our ears we drunk like a horse. Everyone got high. A perfect 'Talli'. At the stroke of midnight we welcomed the New Year. I got high and blurted out what happened the previous day to everyone there. I couldn't control my emotions. I cried. In front of some fifteen of them. I had never cried for a long time till then. For a girl I cried. The liquor did the trick. It brought out all the good and bad in me.

I called her up to wish her. I wished her and started shouting at her. I didnt know what I was doing. All the thing came out. I told her that I loved her for what she was, eventhough I was not perfect enough for her(as she thought). I cried on the phone. I thought "God Damn!Whats happening to me?"My friend took over the phone and started talking to her. As both of them shared the same mother tongue. He started lobbying(is it the right word?) for me. Telling all the niceties about me. She wanted to meet me the next day. Everyone were so drunk that, everyone started puking in whatever corner they could find. We slept at four in the morning. I didnt know what the 'New Year' had in store for me. But I had decided that, I will respect her decision. Maybe that was good for both of us. I had made up my mind. I slept.

The Meeting!!

Continuing from where I left, after that afternoon when we talked about committment I thought it would be better to stop talking to her. I didnt call for some four days and the fifth day I called her. She asked me why I didn't call and then I gave an excuse that I didn't have enough balance in my phone to make a call. Well, then we started talking again with no topic related to the dangerous yet powerful four letter word. We talked,talked and talked and I proposed her one day. I just told it. A proposal with no drama,no flowers(though outdated or is it???),no bending on one knee and no candle light. It just happened.The unpredictable 'Shyam' took over. And that was the first and only proposal I had ever made to a girl!She was surprised now. And she said 'Yes'. Then all happened in a flash, we were in love.

For the first time in life I felt am lucky to have a girl like her. I wanted to love her, be with her,didnt care how she was(remember we havent seen each other till now),fat or thin,tall or short,pretty or not. I have already fallen for her and I didnt want to lose her. The next few months saw us getting more comfortable and me a little more possessive. Maybe was that the reason??Time would tell. My friends got suspicious about the late night phone calls and messages I received. You know all the "kuchi kuchiku" messages :) They called her up from my phone and gave her a series of missed calls. And she called back and they asked whats happening between both of us. She replied that "Why dont you ask him?"From that day my friends started to tease me. And I was happy getting teased. Because I was being teased with someone whom I wanted to spend my life with.

Days went by and it was the winter of '07. I wanted to see her. Which meant I had to travel to Hyderabad for that. And I didnt mind travelling any distance to see her. But one thing was always niggling me at the back of my mind. The "Height" factor. I thought I was shorter than her. And felt that she must not feel cheated or disappointed, as she would have had a picture of her 'man' already in her mind. I told her some three weeks before leaving for hyd. Maybe that was a little late, as six months later she told me that I lied about my height. More about the "six months later" later. She called me and assured me that she loves me and nothing else matters. Still I was feeling somewhat different. The vibes werent positive. I felt what the hell and got on, with a "Lets face it when it comes" attitude. It didnt take much time to get permission from my parents as I told them that I wanted to be with my friends for "New Year". They agreed and let me go. Never expected to happen this smooth. I left for hyderabad on 29th December. I couldnt sleep that night. It was like going into an interview with no idea whether you will get selected or not. I met her the next day at a restaurant for lunch. Everything was there in front of my eyes!! All the vibes which I felt came true.

The Love!

The summer of 2007 will always remain in my mind(heart in fact!!) as the most beautiful period in my life. What started off as signing up into one of the many networking sites to increase my circle of friends and to meet newer people, led me in finding my old school sweetheart who was till then somewhere at the corner of my heart and only coming out once in a while to remind me that "Hey shyam am still out here!!!", now made me think that I exist only for her.

Well...it all started after my third year final exams got over and we went home for vacation with me whiling away most of my time chatting and browsing with friends and that time I added her to my messenger and what started off as normal conversations about college(she is three years younger to me!!) started getting very personal and I blurted out that I have always had a huge crush on her right from our school days. She was a little surprised well shocked would be a better word and then I started which I never ever thought I would become good at "flirting". Harmless flirtings started turning on things for both of us and in a very less time maybe only a month or fewer I think, we fell for each other. Not a day passed by without both of us sharing all the details about each other and the hunger only started to build....the hunger what people called as "Love". We shared so many things, which I would never have done(or I never will!!) with the bestest of my friends. Days on which she didn't come online, were very boring and those days seemed like they will never end.

I yearned for her innocent and cute chats. For a guy who always thought only in the movies people fell madly in love, made me to come in face with the reality. I was falling for a girl whom I haven't met in years, had no idea how she looked, was she the same beautiful,tall and thin girl I fell for in school or has she became fat and not worth to look at. Thoughts about her...only about HER were racing in my mind day in and day out. My holidays came to an end and it was time to go back to college for my final year and I took her landline number as I wouldnt be able to come online everytime.

And my final year in college started and it was business as usual...get up,class,bunk,class,bunk,lunch,bunk n sleep,class,roam and come to hostel. This happened everyday. As we had no internet connection in our rooms and one or two computers working in the hostel cafe as well as lack of privacy, my chats with her dropped to a minimum. Yet the spark remained, shining brightly as ever. One fine evening, after a lot of dilly-dallying and feeling nervous just like how one feels before getting the question paper in hand in a final exam, I called her up. I listened to her voice and I couldn't believe I was talking to her and I thought her sister lifted the phone up and asked to give it to her elder one. I could hear a giggle and she told that it was her. Then I realised why scores and scores of men fell for women. Her voice and that soft giggle made me slip a bit before I fell badly...in love with her!!

After some conversations she opened up freely to me and we talked and talked about everything. Slowly, we started flirting with each other and every evening I called her up never minding the number of recharges I did to my phone. I fell for her but I didnt tell it yet, because my intention was never to fall in love, not with my close friend's cousin. If you ask what my intentions were when I started chatting or talking, pardon me my intentions were only to while away my time, my feeling of being single. But I was wrong, the same intentions matured into something else, something which I never thought will change me,make me more human,respect others' feelings..made me everything which I never was. Days rolled and end of July, she proposed. It happened on a Sunday afternoon, first ever direct proposal in my life from a girl whom I loved equally. To be frank I saw it coming but not this early. I was thrown back with this question about committment.

The word always gave me the jitters, even now that I dont know whether I spelt it correctly. I was trembling and I was thankful that this was happening over the phone and not personally. She was in Hyderabad and I was in Tanjore a remote town in Tamil Nadu and I never believed in long distance relationships as they bought more insecurity than longingness and thats what happened finally!! So I convinced her that even I like her alot and that we will think about committment once we meet. And it was also that she was quite taller than me and I didnt want to create a situation where she should feel that I lied or cheated her about myself when we meet. That was an unforgettable day I will always remember...I will always cherish in my life, my first love!!!